someone threw a dead crab at me
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
