does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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