Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
