Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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