Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize