I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You can't just leave with hair like that
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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