I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
