dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
