And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
