I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
