She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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