just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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