I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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