She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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