is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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