Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
