Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
