After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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