And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize