This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
