Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
