i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
this is an emotional support booty call
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
