Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
