that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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