I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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