Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize