Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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