The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize