buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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