why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
