so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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