Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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