ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
