I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
