Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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