my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
