so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
