Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
