You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
