the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
