I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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