Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
