he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
