I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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