enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
