Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Randomize
