my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you made out with another girl for some wings
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
