I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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