May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
