Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
