My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
