i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
