I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
