ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
third nipple confirmed
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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