So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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