theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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