My sheets look like a crime scene.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
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