wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm like, not good at living.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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