Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Shame - the story of my life.
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