dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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