next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
