My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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