how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My pussy is not your playground.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
