I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
