You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
