Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
