I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
