so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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