don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
