Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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