I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
