She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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