i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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