need another drink. this is the easiest way
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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