if you like me you must not know who I am
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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