i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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