I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
