I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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