I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
