PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My vagina just clenched in fear
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
