This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Randomize
