i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
