If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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