I'm pants shitting drunk right now
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
