You're my little dorito
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
