i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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