I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize